I have been warned

Without TMI I am having waves of grief. There was an abusive incident when I was a child. I never told anyone. I was too scared. Someone else told and everyone seemed so angry. I wasn't telling. No way! And over the years I managed to convince myself that it wasn't important. But it is. And it colours who I am today. And the thing that I just figured out is that when these waves of grief hit me I don't see the root cause immediately. What I immediately see are nonexsistent abandoment issues with people in my present. It takes me a while to pull away from that and see what is really going on. It's hard. Cause my life doesn't really set aside a lot of time for tearful moments when I can't explain the cause. It's not like I smashed my finger with a hammer. That usually gets cursing. Not tears. People want to be able to have something to focus on and an event from 36 years ago doesn't merit much attention. So, I muddle through. I need to ask my therapist if there is some trick to this that I'm missing. Cause this sucks. I have a lump in my throat that won't go away, tears that are so close to the surface that ANYTHING can set them off, and I can't sleep. Yep. Sucks.